the promised land.

There is really no graceful way to transition from an awkward home-schooled Junior High girl to a private-schooled social butterfly High School Queen. I have no idea how I pulled it off, honestly.

I showed up in Auburn, California, without a clue. I'd recently given up broom skirts and cowboy boots and was trying to embrace the California fashions. It was the early nineties, so baggy black jeans, white t shirts, and a flannel tied around my waist seemed to work nicely. Unfortunately for me, the only white T Shirts I had were ones I had inherited from various church retreats and camps; each complete with some scripture reference and tacky modernized "fish" symbol. It was bad, but I didn't know any better.

We moved to Auburn for small and struggling church. My dad was to take over and work his magic; he was good at bringing life into small, sad churches.

While we looked for a place to rent, we stayed with a family from the church. They were the Ralston family, and they were very very wealthy. There was plenty of room for us- and they were thrilled to take us in. I hadn't experienced such luxury in a long time. They had a dog! And a pool! And 4 wheelers! And guitars! And boats! And a DODGE VIPER. We took to them instantly; our families just clicked. They showered us with love and attention, and we welcomed their generosity with open arms. It was a far cry from the emotional wasteland of Cody, Wyoming. I believed we'd reached the Promised Land.

The had one son, Josh, who was a year younger than I. Josh and I bonded over our love for the movie, Forrest Gump, and Josh did the BEST Jenny impression I'd ever heard. We watched that movie every night for two weeks straight and we loved it more with each viewing. Josh and I got along royally, and I think he was the main conduit in my de-Wyomingification. He, too, wore white church T Shirts with fish emblems. We were like peas and carrots, me and Josh.

The time came for the Ralston family vacation. Apparently the Ralstons were known for their decadent vacations and every year Josh was allowed to bring one friend. For years, it had been the same friend. Josh would always bring his childhood best friend, Amber. But this year, he changed his mind. Amber was old news, and apparently I was the new best friend. Josh picked me! I was going to Disneyland with the Ralstons!

We loaded up their large RV and took an extended trip to the Magic Kingdom in Anaheim, CA. We stayed in the Disneyland Hotel, had breakfast with the "stars", and had 3 day passes to the park. They paid for absolutely EVERYTHING, including souvenirs, snacks, and embroidered Mickey hats. I was in heaven.

Vicki, the mom, was a woman who liked to shop. She drug me into all the expensive Disney boutiques and made me watch her try on jewelry, hats, and other trinkets. Nothing really caught her eye until she saw THAT necklace. The small, silver, sparkly diamond necklace in the shape of Mickey Mouse's head. She was in love, she had to have it. And, it just goes without saying that she needed the matching earrings as well. I don't recall the exact price of the Mickey jewels, though I do know it was more than I was comfortable with. I didn't understand this way of life.

All was well in our Disney paradise until that evening. We heard a shriek from the RV bathroom. "JOSH! LINDSAY! WHERE IS MY NECKLACE???" I didn't know Vicki well at the time, but this sounded bad. "OHMYGOSHHHHHH WHERE IS MY NECKLACE? JOSH! AHHHHH! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? I LEFT IT RIGHT HERE! FIND IT! RIGHT NOW!". What followed was a frantic search for the missing Mickey necklace. We were on our hands and knees, we were nervous, we were scared. We had to find that necklace. Every minute that passed without the necklace, she became more infuriated. She stood in the corner of the RV and lorded over us with arms crossed, acrylic nails tapping impatiently, and a scowl that was permanently etched into her chubby cheeks.

I was at my wit's end. We searched high and low for an hour, with no sign of the Mickey head. Just then, a quiet voice came from the back of the RV.

"Oh, well here it is. In my pocket all along."

And that was it. No apology was ever given, no sympathy for our fruitless efforts. She simply put on the necklace and went about her day.

I, however, did not recover so easily. I had seen a side of that woman that I'd never seen before. She was angry, she was mean, and I lived in fear of her. But, like it or not, she was in my life. In fact, she was in my life a lot more than I bargained for the next couple years. She was my youth pastor.

That was not the last time I heard an outburst from Vicki; there were many more. They were always unwarranted, and most of the time unexpected. She was a miserable woman who was hell-bent on ruining my life. And I will admit that for 2 years, she did a pretty damn good job at that. Disneyland was simply the beginning. This was not the promised land I'd envisioned. It was a whole new wasteland, it just had a different face. The wasteland of Auburn, California, was sneakier and more subtle. It just took awhile to figure out how ugly it really was.